It's 2009 now and I need to get back into this full swing! I am once again training for the half marathon and am actually sticking to a training schedule. Last year I really did myself a disservice by not taking my training more seriously. I want to feel a truer sense of accomplishment this year. I want to set healthy goals for myself!
I have to admit in the latter part of 2008 and the start of 2009, my goals were a little jaded. I was focused too much on food, calorie intake, workout overload, and feeling guilty no matter what. I developed a very destructive relationship with food. I've never really struggled with my weight, so most people might be shocked with the way I beat myself up over my food choices. My relationship with food and self image has been a 10 year struggle! Maybe someday I'll get help...ha!
This year my goal is to focus on healthy food options and not so much on calorie intake. So far I've been eating more fresh produce and actually eating. I am still struggling with limiting my calorie intake far below where it should be. I don't beat myself up quite as much when I take an off day from the gym though. I am taking baby steps and celebrate the small accomplishments. But every time I feel I have this thing beat is usually when I slip again.
I am breaking up my goals in small increments. Right now I am working out regularly with my training schedule and making that commitment to myself. I am also making sure I eat something for breakfast, lunch, 1-2 small snacks, and a healthy well rounded dinner. My biggest struggle will be over coming my calorie intake. I stupidly have the mindset of keeping myself under 900 calories and am a little obsessed with it. My other goal will be not to feel guilty if I go over or if I choose to indulge in something decadent and "evil". When I indulge, I need to chalk it up as it not being the end of the world rather than "punishing" myself and getting rid of the indulgence in an unhealthy fashion. (I won't go into the details.)
In the summer of 2007 I kept my weight between110-113 lbs. Deep down I still want to be there again. There's no reason for it and it's probably not a healthy choice. I need to tell myself how that is a stupid, unhealthy, and dangerous expectation! My focus needs to be on having energy, being a little more toned, and healthy. I need to not make it be about the weight, but about feeling good about myself. So in 2009 I am going to be selfish and put myself first a little more. I get distracted by the stresses of work and parenting and all of that. But I have to keep telling myself if I dont' feel good about myself and don't make good choices, I won't be able to do anything esle effectively.
Here's to a great, healthy 2009! I can't believe I've shared as much as I have here, but I am on the road to recovery. The more I can admit out loud, the more I'll have to address my problems. I am on the road to healing! I want my choices to help me live a long, happy, healthy life. I am not one to ask for help, but I also know I won't be able to do this all on my own. So if you know me, don't be afraid to help me even if I dont' verbalize the request. Ineed a boost sometimes too and I'll be there to do the same for you!
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Wow, I can't believe you updated. I was about to erase you from my "other workout blogs" list, when I checked one last time. Like it was a sign. Welcome back! Remember everyone needs 1200 calories a day to maintain their weight, and even more if you're doing lots of running (which it sounds like you will be).
I can't wait for you to start taking the Wednesday night classes. It will be like old-times. And even though it looks like we won't be able to go to the "gym" together anymore we'll have to find ways to workout outside. Sometime we could go to a track and run laps, and Elijah could play in the middle. Or run with me; we probably run about the same speed after a few minutes! Of course we won't be able to do that until the snow stops and melts a little and the temperature gets above 50 degrees! Some time!
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